Full disclosure - I have a therapist. In fact, many therapists do. And a lot of us would probably say, if you are endeavoring to be a therapist, it's often best to make sure you experience life on both sides of the room.
What's fascinating is that across the years when I have sought out support for myself, I have at times found the search near impossible! I imagine it's the same for anyone reading this - after all, we hear that a lot here at The Center KSQ:
"I've been looking but haven't found anyone yet."
"I call people but they don't call me back."
"I had a therapist but all we talked about was coping skills and how my week was going."
So how do you navigate the search and find someone actually good for you?
A therapist is a person who in theory, you should feel somewhat to very comfortable opening up to. That doesn't always happen right away. In fact, it rarely does. It's not unusual for it to take several sessions to get the sense that you are in great hands, and ready to dive deeper into what plagues, ails, or perplexes you. After all, if that is not your natural way, opening up to a therapist should feel a bit challenging.
But to find yourself months and months later still dancing around the issues that you really want to dive into? It may be time for one of two things: to ask yourself if this person is the right fit? OR perhaps to ask your therapist about whether or not other clients do the same thing. Signaling to them that you are struggling could be the groundbreaking moment you signed up for in the first place.
Some or all of that may feel hard to measure for, so let's dig into what specifics you may want to take into consideration when shopping for a helper of your very own.
1. Does your therapist have basic professional communication skills?
It's alarming, but there are quite a few people in the field of mental health, and in the world at large, who are terrible when it comes to communication. Delayed response times, short and clipped messages that lack warmth, or in some cases, no response at all! It is not at all unusual that when we call back inquiries here we hear things like "wow, thanks for the reply! I have reached out to quite a few people and have not heard anything yet." How that happens in our world, and why will always perplex us. And that's probably a good thing. In a role where we are here to be helpers, healers, and taking care of others, healthy communication is tenant 1 of a solid connection with someone in the therapeutic role. Also, as a side note, it signals that this person, to an important degree, has their professional act together enough to be an appropriate helping professional.
2. Does your therapist oversaturate you with information?
Oy! I don't know about you but sometimes I will reach out to a helper of some kind - a provider, an insurance group, a system of education, another therapist! And the deluge, waterboarding of information is overwhelming. This is not a good thing in our world, in the world of mental health and therapy. Why is that? Well, it's a pretty simple law of physics - overwhelmed and stressed people typically don't like additional overwhelm and stressors. We talk so much about the importance of being trauma-informed in mental health - but sometimes we skip over some of the most obvious layers of what that actually means? From a nervous system lens it's basic: does this help calm a dysregulated nervous system? Or send it into overdrive. How we communicate and what we communicate are all very important factors there. So if you are overwhelmed with the pacing and the amount of information to process, this is probably very important to take into consideration.
3. Do you like or dislike portals?
Eh hem. Allow me to say loud and clear - I do not like portals!!!! I don't know about you, but every time I have to log into a portal, I can feel my body tensing up, even if ever so slightly. And I am a pretty savvy person when it comes to tech. Not the best. But I sit nicely in the middle of the standard bell curve in the information age. Not everybody does, especially not the overwhelmed person we talked about in the sections above. Portals are separators. They keep us from human connection, they create a strange way of creating distance between us and whoever is on the other side of the digital space. That said, they also keep clinicians and clients safe, organized, and coordinated. If you have a therapist who uses a portal to get you signed on and you are overwhelmed and confused, please ask them for help! This is a great way for the two of you to start building trust and to see how you work together through simple challenges.
4. Do you know where your therapist is in their career and training path?
The track that therapists take to get to our different levels of training and education is diverse, and comes with a lot of letters after our names. Even we don't know what all of the letters always mean. It's like another language! Here's a mini breakdown of how it all works:
- therapists who do not have Dr. at the start of their name generally go through 2 years of graduate school - during that time, they are under the constant supervision of their universities and their mentor. Their mentors are licensed professionals who have been in the field for a long time and know the work and the process well
- once this student goes through a rigorous 2 years of education, they graduate, take their boards, and begin an additional 2 to 5 years of additional supervision. This supervision period is intensive and a time of deep growth. This counselor type is called a postgraduate clinician, or a prelicensed clinician. In some states this will also be designated as an associate.
- once boards are passed, the 2-5 year period of work is complete, and a whole lot of paperwork is filled out then a long waiting period occurs and after several months of board review, the therapist is finally licensed!
So here are a few important questions you can ask as someone seeking therapeutic support:
- are you licensed? (a 'no' answer isn't necessarily bad, but it helps you make an informed decision)
- are you under supervision? who is that supervisor?
- what areas of this work are you most interested in? What client type(s) do you like to serve best?
- are there any specializations you are currently being trained for or hope to learn?
Have a conversation with this person! After all, they too are people finding their way through life like any of us. It might be a way to build a little more connection with your therapist and see what inspires them about the work!
5. Is your therapist someone who works with thoughts? Behaviors? Feelings? Beliefs? Body sensations?
This topic opens up a Pandora's Box of things to know and learn. There are SO many types of therapy, modalities, orientations, perspectives on growth and healing that the sheer volume can become daunting. We here at The Center KSQ have a blended community of therapists, but by and large, we are very trauma focused. Why is that? In the trauma model, the view is very whole and holistic; therefore, all aspects of a person are considered in the therapeutic approach. Other models are not quite as integrative.
Have you ever felt scared and your thoughts were racing? Whereas other times you maybe felt so frozen that you could not think but your body broke out in a cold sweat? Or you ran for a stiff drink? Human beings do lots of things to try to feel safe - whether that is escaping reality or being so entrenched in the pains and aches of being alive that we cut ourselves off from joy.
Either way, we fundamentally believe that segmenting into one area of the human experience and omitting important attention to all aspects of who we are can in some cases even be harmful. The mind, the body, our behaviors, our beliefs are all part of what makes us individually who we are - s0 we take all of that into consideration here. And we apply that to the work that we do with our clients.
Most of all...... this is the MOST IMPORTANT PART of choosing a therapist -
Trust your gut.
Just because a therapist has credentials, training, or experience, if your gut is telling you that you feel like this is an ill fit, it's feels like you aren't connecting, or you feel like this person does not get you at all.... it's important to maybe share that with them before giving up - but you need to feel like you are in a place where you can be challenged, and where you can grow. If not, then try a few other therapists.
Perhaps it's like meeting friends - you may meet a bunch of people throughout the course of your life, but not everyone will become a trusted friend. The same goes for a therapist. It may take a few tries before you find the person who can really help.
To learn more about our services please call 484-730-1133 or email info@TheCenterKSQ.com and we can answer as many questions as you have!
As always, it's a pleasure to serve this community - thank you, KSQ!
Winden Rowe, LPC
Founder and director